Space
Connecting online
Increasing numbers of singles today are finding dating partners—and
even long-term relationships—through online dating sites. As the
popularity of these sites grows, options are becoming increasingly
specific, with sites now tailored to specific lifestyles.
Visitors to the Society’s Facebook page responded to a New York
Times article on online dating Web sites for people with disabilities
(“Difference Is the Norm on These Dating Sites,” December 28, 2010).
An overwhelming majority of Facebook users said that they would
prefer to go through a general dating site: “One disability in a relationship is enough to deal with,” is how one respondent put it.
Among the general sites mentioned, several pointed to www.ok
cupid.com, which allows users to create profiles, upload photos and
contact each other for free. Other frequently mentioned sites, such as
www.match.com, www.eharmony.com and www.plentyoffish
.com let members create profiles and upload photos for free, but
charge a monthly fee to allow users to contact each other by e-mail or
instant message.
Remember: Dating profiles, as with anything on the Internet, are
accessible to the general public. Be cautious about disclosing your MS
and other personal information.
just fit in there,” she said. “That’s
where most of my friends came
from.”
Now preparing to be an
environmental studies major at
the University of Utah in Salt
Lake City, Kump said her big-
gest accomplishment has been
overcoming shyness. “I’ve dated
a couple of kids pretty steadily,
and I always have to make the
first move,” she said. “It never
happens the other way around. I
use the wheelchair and crutches a
lot of the time, and when I don’t,
I still walk differently. It intimi-
dates people. I notice it, but I
tend to be pretty open—I joke
about it. I think that helps. It’s
not some horrible tragedy, you
know?”
I said, ‘Oh, yeah. I have MS.’ It
was one of the simplest ‘telling
someone I have MS’ moments
I’ve ever had.”
Moments of misunderstanding
Talking about your MS isn’t
always so easy. Angelina Kump,
19, has found the topic difficult
to broach sometimes, particularly
because she uses a wheelchair,
which she said prompts misunderstandings and concern.
“I asked a kid to a dance and
he said, ‘Why are you asking
me? You can’t even dance.’ And I
thought, ‘You don’t know that!’ ”
she said. “People get scared,
especially when your body’s being
weird, and you have to deal with
that. And it’s really hard when
you want to be doing other
things.”
Diagnosed at 13, Kump’s
symptoms were so severe at first
she had to leave school for a
year. “My social life pretty much
ended,” she explained. “When
I started at high school, it was
a little nerve-wracking.” Kump
had to give up the sports she
had previously loved, but then
discovered the debate club. “I was
always very articulate, and so I
Communication and
common ground
Gordy and Kump both stressed
that communication was key to
a successful relationship. Gordy
said that most people tend to
follow her lead, and she lets
them know when she is ready to
answer questions and how much
she feels comfortable talking
about. Kump described a similar
experience.
Gordy’s boyfriend Carlos
initially asked a lot of scientific
questions about her MS. “The
main thing people want to know
is how does it affect you? What
are the symptoms? What is the
future going to hold—which of
course you can’t predict.” She
decided to be honest. “I’d had
MS for eight years and was doing
