Momentum - Fall 2012

It’s fine for kids
to have more
responsibility
than their
peers—within
reason.

SUSANA RAAB

However, no matter how much someone is affected by the disease, they are still, at core, a parent. “You haven’t lost your ability to parent even if you can no longer chase the kids around,” Miller emphasizes.

“Before MS, I was a Cub Scout leader, and a
sandlot football and basketball coach. I used to
go out fishing with the boys, and Tre’ golfed with
me, we traveled, we cruised,” William Rosser says.
“I was really giving of myself, and now I can’t
give myself that way.” That was hard on all of
them, but Tre’ stepped in. “He got on me for lying
around, so I started coaching an adult basketball
league—from my wheelchair—and my team
won the championship. I was an active part of
something good.”
“MS has brought my mom and me so close,” says
Jane Brach. “She is my best friend, I’m her best
friend. I rely on her so much—she does everything
for me regardless of her disability.”
Some parents—and even children—say that MS
has actually had a positive effect on their emotional
development. “I’ve had to do some things that many
people won’t have to do till later,” Tre’ says. He’s
picked up his dad when he fell, for example, and
planned ahead for outings by making sure a facility
is handicapped-accessible. But he says his dad’s
illness has also given him a greater sensitivity to
people. “At school, if I see someone fall, I stop and
ask if I can help. Dealing with a parent with MS,
you’re more likely to pay attention to things like
that.” Cheryl strongly agrees: “What my husband is
going through has made my boys more respectful of
others with limitations.”
“My whole life plan came from my mom’s illness,”
says Jane Brach, who plans to study nursing. “I
realized the importance of nurses, and of staying
home for my mom. To me it’s positive—it’s not a
burden, it’s just what I have to do. I’ve learned to
embrace it. I’d enjoy taking care of other people
with MS.”
A common observation is that a chronic disease
accelerates kids’ maturation. “Many children
who grow up in a family with a chronic illness
are mature, generous and understanding,” says
Rintell. “They’ve learned it’s possible to overcome
challenges. In middle-class families these days,
parents tend to solve their kids’ problems rather
than let them work things out on their own. But
in families with MS, the kids learn to deal with
problems themselves.”