SUSANA RAAB
William Rosser with son
Christopher, one of his
“knights in shining armor.”
As male-female roles
become less distinct
in society in general, it
has become easier for
families to cope. MS is
unpredictable, so you can’t
schedule when a role or
response can or can’t be
taken on by a particular
family member. Being
flexible makes that easier.
need to be able to
state how close you
want people to come.
Does your sister have
the right to rearrange
your kitchen because
she’s helping with
your shopping? If she
babysat a couple of
times, do you have the
right to expect her to
babysit whenever you
ask?” Here’s where
good communication
skills come in. People
can agree to disagree,
but should talk
issues over and not
just assume. Perhaps
the most important
question a family
member can ask is,
“How would you like me to help?” She adds, “It’s
really important to maintain a partnership.”
Carepartner or just plain partner?
There are different terms, such as carepartner or
caregiver, for the person who provides primary
care for someone with MS—most often a
“significant other.” However, divisions between
family roles may shade into each other in deeply
complex ways, making it difficult to reduce all of
what they do to what can seem a reductive term.
(See “The wrong word,” pg. 24.)
“I wouldn’t want to be considered a caregiver—it
makes me think of a nursing home,” says Sally,
whose partner of 19 years, Lori* (*their last names
are withheld by request), was diagnosed in 1999.
“When you love someone, that’s what you do—the
good, bad, ugly. Lori has had to do things for me,
too. It’s part of life.”
