PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ROSSER FAMILY
things William used
to do,” she says.
“Normally, he cared
for the lawn—he
likes it to look like a golf course. When I had to cut
the grass for the first time, I was excited! I called
my mom, my dad, and told everyone. It’s a huge
adjustment for all of us, but he’s proud.”
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father and children. For many
others with MS, their definition
of family is different, and may
extend beyond significant others
and children to include whoever
is committed to helping and
supporting them—parents,
siblings, friends, neighbors, social
workers.
Even the Rossers’ “family” extends
far beyond their strong central
unit. “I’m an only child, but I have
about 20 brothers,” says William,
a former dental hygienist and
clinical instructor at the Medical
College of Virginia. He’s referring to his good
friends, some from childhood. “I never realized the
degree to which compassion existed until I needed
it. I have a great wife, but my friends’ help makes
me feel good, too.”
There’s no doubt that they’ve all changed—as a
family—since William’s diagnosis 17 years ago.
And that’s the point: MS affects every member of a
family. In fact, if psychologist David Rintell, Ed.D.,
had his way, we wouldn’t even say “person with
MS.” Instead, we would say “family with MS.”
William’s oldest son, William III, or Tre’, 18,
agrees. “I call most of my dad’s friends ‘uncle’ or I
consider them cousins. I have a lot of relatives who
aren’t actually related by blood.”
“Unless you live in a cave by yourself,” says
Rintell, who practices at Partners MS Center at
the Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston,
“you’re part of a family or a social group.” And
that group will be affected by MS in ways both
large and small for the rest of their lives.
Whether it’s a nuclear family, same-sex
partnership, single parent or a posse of friends,
people with MS—like most people—get by
with help from their families. “Call it a clan,
call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family,”
wrote journalist Jane Howard in her classic book
Families. “Whatever you call it, whoever you are,
you need one.”
Twenty brothers
But first, what is family? The Rossers are what we
think of as the traditional family unit: mother,
A family diagnosis
Ideally, with MS, the family is invited in from
the minute of diagnosis, so that they understand
not only the physical disease, but what changes
they can expect with work, family dynamics and
so on.
