RELATIONSHIPS
Telling your child
you have MS
by Katherine Shaw
Getting an MS
diagnosis is, without
a doubt, a life-
changing event.
And for some, it
is followed by the
heartbreak of having
to tell the children.
“How and when should I tell
them?”
“How much detail should I
provide?”
“How will they react?”
All of these questions are
certainly at the forefront of any
parent’s mind. But many other
parents have crossed this bridge
before you. Just ask some of the
participants on momswithms
.org.
What started in July 2009 as
an attempt to meet a few other
moms with MS has blossomed
into a community of more than
500 people swapping notes,
providing support, and exchanging resources and information.
Most of the participants were
diagnosed between the ages of
20–40 and many have a lot to
say about how they had “that”
conversation with their kids.
Keep it simple, they
say—and age
appropriate
For Emily, a
Chicago mother
who was diagnosed
when her children
were nine, five
and three, the best
approach has been:
“Answer what’s asked
and don’t elaborate.
I could always tell
when my son’s curiosity was satisfied. I’d give
him a short answer to an
MS question and he’d go
off and play.” Emily’s nine-year-old daughter, on the other hand,
usually wanted more, following
up one question with another
and then another.
Angela, a mother in northern
California, waited to talk to her
daughter about MS until her
daughter was four. “At that age,
understanding that something
was wrong was difficult because
outwardly people would have no
idea I have MS. So I’d explain
to her what happens inside my
body using a telephone cord as a
comparison.”
An early teen might be able
to grasp MS, while a six-year-
old may not. But sometimes
circumstance requires a broader
NICK BErtozzI
discussion of the disease and
its impact, even with younger
children. This is common when
children can see, and are then
curious about, canes, wheelchairs and other aids that may
come into the home.
“Kids can adapt if they are
allowed to be a part of the fam-
ily’s solution, and taught not be
scared of mommy being sick,”
said Michelle, a South Carolina
mom who was diagnosed when
her daughter was four. “MS
has made me a better mom
and made my daughter more
compassionate.”
Deborah Miller, PhD, direc-
tor of Comprehensive Care at
