In the beginning …
When someone is diagnosed with MS, the questions are seemingly endless: Am I going to get
worse? Am I going to be in a wheelchair? Am I
going to be able to take care of myself?
“With MS, nobody can answer these questions for
you,” said Peggy Crawford, PhD, clinical psychologist in the Division of Behavioral Medicine
and Clinical Psychology at Cincinnati Children’s
Hospital. And for many people, concerns about
losing their independence and burdening others
are all-consuming.
Amanda Meyer, diagnosed 2004
“I don’t want people to feel
like they have to take care of
me,” said 28-year-old Crystine
Baynard of Virginia, whose first
thought after being diagnosed
was, “Am I going to be able to
work?” In fact, Baynard, a single physical education teacher
at an elementary school, has
made a point of fighting for her
independence.
“When I was diagnosed, my
parents were trying to do every-
thing for me,” Baynard said. “I
had to tell them to let me be.”
Other people simply shut down. “I didn’t want to
share what I was going through with my immedi-
ate family members or my partner—and I didn’t
tell them about the diagnosis,” said 60-year-old
Joyce Bruno of central California. Bruno, who was
in a relationship when she was diagnosed 20 years
ago, added, “I didn’t want to try to explain MS to
anyone when I couldn’t even explain it to myself.”
Bruno was in denial for five years and didn’t really
begin talking about the illness until 1994. Secrecy
put a strain on her relationships and her social life.
She began declining invitations or canceling at the
last minute. “People around you don’t understand
what you’re going through. You don’t look sick,
so it’s hard for them,” she said, expressing feelings
common to many newly diagnosed people, single
or not.
